He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry about my life...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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