That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
