It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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