We won't sleep together?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
