I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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