I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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