i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Bring me that man meat
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
