just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
