I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
