it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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