I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
