He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
