New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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