What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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