how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
