and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
