I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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