Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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