I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
