So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
