Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
