i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
