i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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