we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
