I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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