he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
