Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time