My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking