The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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