Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
