i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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