i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I want is dick and wine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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