The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
