I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
