come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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