if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
