Having a random hookup so left but love u
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
