i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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