I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
