dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
