Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
