while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
