Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
