Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
