Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
