I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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