I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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