Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
