You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
