You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
