I love black thongs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
