Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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