If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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