i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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