i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
