So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I supernannyed him into submission
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
