I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
