we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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