Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's always time for handjobs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
