Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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