the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
