He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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