I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
